


A Truth So Loud You Can’t Ignore

by humanities_angstiest



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character Development, Cinnamon Roll Eren Yeager, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Hange Zoë Ships It, High School Student Eren Yeager, Humor, M/M, Marco Bott & Jean Kirstein Friendship, So Much Cuteness, Stupid boys falling in love, THIS IS MY JEAN/EREN MASTERPIECE, Young Love, adorkable jean, as they do in all my fics, erwin is a history teacher, hange is a science teacher, honestly this started as crack but now its over 13000 words and has a real plot, i love my own story so much does that make me vain, lab partners cliche, sinnamon roll armin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanities_angstiest/pseuds/humanities_angstiest
Summary: If Jean is so cool — and he is, no doubt about it — then why can’t he get Eren to notice him? His pick-up lines and smoldering looks have no effect on the angelic teen. But that is all about to change. Because fate, or a teacher with a shipping habit, has paired Jean and Eren as lab partners. Or more simply, Jean is a huge dork trying to get his crush to notice him in all the wrong ways.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much to my wonderful beta-reader, [ TriP9282](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TriP9282), for all your help and support. This story would not be what it is without you.

“Mr. Kirschtein.”

“Mr. Kirschtein?”

"Jean!" Marco whispers as he pokes his friend in the back with his pencil, causing the salivating boy to jump out of the daydream he was lost in.

Jean refocuses on his present surroundings and realizes everyone in class is staring at him. He would be embarrassed if he gave a shit, but he doesn't. The only person he looks at is the person he was already looking at, the reason behind his spacing out and his teacher having to call his name enough times that the entire class is paying attention. Eren is looking at him too, an adorable, quizzical smile on his lips as Jean continues to stare at him as he has been all class period. Jean flashes a grin and thinks about adding a wink, but his glorious sight is blocked by his teacher who moves to stand directly in front of him.

"Mr. Kirschtein, if you are feeling so unwell that you can't properly pay attention to the lesson, perhaps you should lie down in the nurse's office," Mr. Smith advises in a tone that leaves no room for argument. This isn't the first time Jean has gotten called out for not paying attention, nor will it be the last as long as that ocean-eyed beauty is in the same class as him. Jean doesn't want to leave class (read: stop ogling Eren) but he knows Mr. Smith isn't actually giving him a choice.

"Can I have a guide to the nurse's office?"

Mr. Smith crosses his arms and appraises his student, wondering whether it is worth it to let another student out of class just to get rid of this distracted one.

"Fine. Mr. Bodt, can you accompany Mr. Kirschtein to the nurse's office?"

Marco surreptitiously peeks behind Mr. Smith at Jean, who is shaking his head back and forth as he gives his best friend a pointed look.

"Uh, I can’t, sir. I have a fear of needles."

"I doubt the nurse will be waving needles around, Mr. Bodt."

"I also have a fear of nurses."

From behind Mr. Smith's back, Jean gives Marco two thumbs up. Mr. Smith massages his forehead, no longer caring what needs to happen at this point so long as his most troublesome student leaves so he can continue his lesson. It isn't even that Jean is interrupting the lesson, but every time Mr. Smith's eyes land on him, the boy’s moony eyed gaze is on Mr. Jaeger, one of Mr. Smith’s best students. The second hand embarrassment Mr. Smith experiences from watching Jean is interfering with his ability to teach. With a sigh, Mr. Smith resigns himself to helping this not-yet-budding romance along.

"Mr. Jaeger, would you please walk Mr. Kirschtein to the nurse's office?"

"Of course, Mr. Smith."

What a wonderful student, Mr. Smith thinks, wiping a nonexistent tear from his eye. "Class is almost over; take your bags with you."

Jean darts to Eren's aisle and swings the brunet's backpack onto his shoulder atop his own bag. Mr. Smith’s lips purse tighter with every painful second he observes the two students leave class, one of their eyes focused ahead of them while the one lagging a step behind has their eyes focused a little lower, like a thirsty little shit.

"Let's go this way," Jean says as the classroom door shuts behind them.

"But the nurse's office is —”

"It's fine. I'm feeling much better." Eren shrugs and follows his classmate to the lobby of the school where the vending machines are. Jean feeds dollar bills into the machine then retrieves the chips and candy bar it spits out.

“Here." Jean awkwardly thrusts the candy bar at Eren, who accepts it more from surprise and reflex than a desire for the food.

"Thanks."

Now is Jean's chance. He is finally alone with Eren. Jean wracks his brain for the perfect pickup line. Half of Mr. Smith's class time is spent thinking of lines he can use on Eren. Of course, now that he needs one, he can't remember any of them.

"Hey, Eren."

"Yeah?"

"They should put 'U' and 'I' closer together in the alphabet because…uh…” Just great, he forgot the ending. Time to improvise. “They are both vowels." 

Whew, good save. 

Not. 

 _Shit shit shit._ Eren is staring at him all confused and Jean would be hitting his head against the wall for ruining this chance if he wasn't distracted by how cute Eren's confused expression is, with his eyebrows knit together and the corner of his bottom lip held between his teeth. The expression breaks as the seventh period bell rings, and Eren smiles, asking Jean if he feels well enough for the next class or if he wants to go to the nurse's office.

"I'm good. We have Hange's class next, right?" Is it pathetic to admit that Jean knows his schedule as classes with Eren and classes without Eren?

"Yeah. I love Hange's class. They are so passionate about biology, it really makes you want to learn more of the subject and see what they see in it, don't you think?"

"Uh-huh," Jean mindlessly agrees, too caught up in the way Eren's eyes sparkle when he talks about something he is interested in, which fortunately for Jean is a lot of things.

Jean holds the biology classroom door open, letting Eren walk in front of him. Two other classmates, Connie and Sasha, start to follow behind the brunet but Jean lets go of the door, hip-checking Sasha out of his way so he can enter behind Eren. Hange watches the scene from their desk and grins at the antics of their students. They wait until the class is settled in their seats before addressing them.

"Good afternoon, class! Last period of the day - Woohoo!" The students smile at their favorite teacher, Hange's enthusiasm a cure-all for the long school-day woes.

“Today I'll be pairing you up for a lab report I want you to write on a topic of your choice. You'll be graded mostly on how much effort you put in, but you will lose points if there are frequent grammar or spelling mistakes or it is confusing to read, so proofread your work! Proofreading is very important. That's the benefit of having a partner, you'll have two pairs of eyes on the paper. Now, can I have a drum roll please?” The class pounds their hands on the desk, pounding harder when Mr. Ackerman starts kicking the wall from the classroom next door to signal them to be quiet, as the English teacher is forced to do almost every class.

"Let's see.” Hange rubs their chin and blinks owlishly as if they are in deep thought, but it’s an act. They already know who the partners will be. “Franz, you’re with Hannah." Hange is not interested in boats but they see ships everywhere. They love teaching, but the job is made all the sweeter by the entertaining pastime of shipping their students. On their LinkedIn account, right under 'Biology Teacher' their occupation reads 'Matchmaker'. 100% satisfaction guaranteed or you're wrong and don't know the romance you're missing. (Well, it used to say that. Until their coworker/friend Erwin hacked into their account and removed it, consoling them that their matchmaking would be more effective if their victims, ahem, clients, were unaware of the help.)

“Mikasa and Annie, Bert and Reiner..." Hange looks at their remaining students. The bouncing of one student in their seat finally catches Hange’s attention. Jean Kirschtein. Hange mulled over who to pair him with from the moment they decided to assign a paired lab report. Jean and Marco seemed like a natural choice. Yet ever since Hange noticed the way Jean acts around Eren, they couldn't help but entertain the idea of pairing those two together. 

According to Hange’s coworkers, Jean is “a little shit” and “easily distracted” but he turns in his homework and does well in class. Eren is “not bad” and “a hardworking student,” always thinking of others, which has won him a spot in many hearts. Jean, from what Hange can tell, is more guarded, caring only about the people he is close to or wants to be close to. The receptions Eren and Jean receive by their classmates are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Hange is curious how one of the most genuine students and one of the most ostentatious students will function as a couple. If not for that reason, Hange’s heartstrings are pulled by Jean’s efforts to be close to his crush. Jean is tilting his head in Eren’s direction repeatedly. Hange gives a minuscule nod of their head and Jean grins broadly as he returns it. They are comrades, fighting side by side on the battlefield of love.

“Armin and Marco, and Jean and Eren,” Hange finishes. They don’t see Armin and Marco working out as a couple, but Hange figures having Eren and Jean’s best friends know each other will be beneficial down the road _if_ Jean succeeds in wooing Eren.

When the final bell rings, Jean stands up and shovels his notebook and pencil into his backpack, not noticing Eren has approached him until the brunet says, "Hey, when do you want to get together to start our report?"

 _I want to get together right now. There's an unlocked janitor's closet down the hall, let's go._ Jean doesn't speak his thoughts aloud, reigning back the desperation and presenting what he imagines to be a suave appearance instead.

"I'm free whenever." Well, crap. Now Eren will think he doesn't have a life. He doesn't, but it's what people think that counts, not the truth.

"Great, do you want to come over today then?"

"Sure." Jean leans back, wanting to pull off that "cool guy leaning against a wall" vibe, forgetting that there is no wall behind him because he is standing beside his lab table in the middle of the classroom. Before he falls on his ass, Eren grabs his arm and steadies him. Once Jean is on his feet, Eren removes his hand. Jean mourns the loss.

"'Kay, I'll see you at four?" Eren is already walking away, caught between making plans with Jean and trying to catch up to Mikasa and Armin. Jean vigorously bobs his head, calling out that he'll be over tonight, not minding in the slightest if his classmates overhear and get the wrong idea. 

Once Eren turns the corner out of sight, Jean has a second of calm before the panic sets in. Jean is cool, no doubt about it, everyone is definitely jealous of him, but the truth is that deep inside, Jean is an insecure high schooler about to study at his crush's house. Anyone would be nervous, he reasons.

"Marco!" His friend is packing books from his locker and turns at the call of his name. "Dude, you've gotta help me. Eren invited me over his place to work on our lab report today. Do I go home to shower and change clothes, or is that, like, too much?"

"Seriously, Jean?" On second thought, Marco muses, it couldn't hurt to go home and change. Today Jean is wearing a shirt that says “I’d Flex But I Like This Shirt,” and a snapback because he thinks it makes him look cool. It really, really doesn't.

“Try not to mess this up." Not the most encouraging thing Marco can say, but whatever. Friendship is built of honesty after all. As Jean’s best friend, Marco listens to all of Jean’s gushing over Eren and hears about every fleeting moment they share together, from the time Eren let Jean drink from the water fountain first to the time he lent Jean a number 2 pencil during a test. And Marco has listened to a lot, since this crush developed at the start of sophomore year and they are approaching the end of their junior year. In this time, Marco has watched Jean hide behind bravado as he attempts to gain Eren’s notice with no results, so Marco knows better than anyone that if Jean does something to make sweet, cinnamon roll Eren hate him, Jean won’t bounce back quickly despite the front he’ll put up, and it will be Marco who picks up Jean's broken pieces. 

“And good luck," he adds, knowing Jean will need it.

 

***

 

“Is there a topic you want to do our report on?"

"Huh?" Jean is doing it again, spacing out while staring at Eren's face.

"What do you like?"

"Your eyes." He blurts it out without thinking and can't even say he regrets it.

Eren blushes. ”Oh, thanks. The color comes from my dad's side of the family. He says his great-grandmother had this eye color, but apparently it skips a few generations. We could do our report on genes and alleles? It would have to be more interesting than the basic stuff we learned in middle school, though."

Jean inwardly sighs. Homo intended, goddamnit. ”Nah, I don't care that much. What are you interested in, Eren?"

Eren's eyes get this faraway look but they don't lack an ounce of passionate glow as he describes the beauty and mystery of marine biomes and his interest in studying the effect of global warming on them. It is not a skill that can be gained, but a gift, how Eren's enthusiasm for the subject he is talking about can make even Jean curious to learn more.

"I love how passionate you get about something you're interested in."

Eren casts his eyes down bashfully, as he typically does in response to Jean’s shameless flirting. He looks back up and suggests they go to the library this weekend to read through books and find a topic that way, since they’ve spent an hour brainstorming and aren’t any closer to having a topic to write a report on. Jean quickly agrees and Eren tells him what time to meet at the library on Saturday as Jean slips on his sneakers and leaves before Eren’s parents come home. 

As he walks down the street, Jean pulls his cell phone from his pocket. He needs to text Marco before he forgets. When Eren asked if he was free Saturday, Jean assured him he was, even though he and Marco made plans for a Smash Bros tournament that day. But Marco is Marco and Eren is Eren. And Jean has a raging, titan sized crush on Eren.

Jean wishes he could say his crush first developed when he did something heroic like saving a kid who was about to fall down the stairs and that kid was Eren, who with a bat of his eyelashes at his savior captured Jean's heart. But there is only so far Jean can stretch the truth, even to himself, and his fantasy "meet cute" was nowhere near the truth. What really happened was this: It was sophomore year of high school and Jean's family recently moved to town. The only friend Jean made in the first month at his new school was Marco, because the freckle-faced boy was the only one who hung around Jean long enough to see past the overconfident exterior to the anxious dork underneath. The last class of the day was gym, and figuring he would impress his new classmates with how fast he could run, Jean raced around the track. Too preoccupied sneaking glances at the students standing beside Coach to see if they were watching him, Jean failed to notice the baseball equipment lying on part of the track until it was directly in front of him. Jean leapt to the side, trying to avoid the equipment but landed wrong, twisting his ankle and falling on the classmate running up beside him. They crashed to the ground with Jean landing on top of his classmate, sparing himself from any additional injuries, but his classmate scraped their arm and knees against the coarse, rubber granules when they fell and were lightly bleeding from the scraped skin.

"The fuck, man! Get off me." Jean rolled off of his pinned classmate, who shot him a nasty glare.

"Are you both okay?"

Jean peered up to see an angel, hand outstretched to pull Jean and his classmate to their feet. The sun was high in the sky, reflecting off of the sweaty, tan skin of the person standing above him, frowning with worry, concern emanating from stunning green-blue eyes.

 _You fell from heaven and I fell on the ground and now I'm falling in love_ , Jean thought stupidly to himself, accepting the hand and stuttering out a 'thanks'. He grimaced slightly once he was on his feet, because yes, he did twist his ankle and ow it hurts.

"Did you sprain your ankle? Here, put your arm around my shoulder. I'll help you to the nurse's office."

"Eren, this asshole fell on me. Let him crawl to the nurse."

"Don't be mean, Armin. Do you need a hand too?" Armin calmed from Eren's kindness, nodding his head and reaching for Eren's hand to pull him to his feet. Together, the three of them limp-walked to where Coach Hannes was standing.

"Hey Coach, there was a collision and these two are injured. Can I bring them to the nurse's office?” Coach Hannes ruffled Eren's hair, thanking him for taking care of his classmates, and sent them on their way. It was slow-going, with Jean hanging off of Eren like a rag doll, but Eren didn't complain.

"You're so fucking slow, new kid. Eren, I'm going on ahead." Armin shuffled off with his hands in his pockets, leaving Eren and Jean to continue their leisurely stroll to the nurse.

"Thanks for helping me."

"It's no problem. Does your ankle still hurt?"

The sprain wasn’t serious, because it only twinged a bit when Jean put pressure on it, but he wasn’t about to tell Eren that, who was letting Jean wrap around him like a koala for "support." They reached the nurse's office just as Armin walked out the door, Band-Aids covering the scrapes on his arm and knees. He threw Jean a withering glare when Eren wasn't looking, then flashed Eren an angelic smile, asking if Eren wanted to come over for dinner, which Eren agreed to with a smile of his own, one that was much more angelic in Jean’s opinion. Eren stayed with Jean as the nurse iced and wrapped his ankle, then helped Jean to his locker to pack up his books for the day.

"You should head outside to wait for your ride now, before everyone else gets out of class and starts pushing through the hallways." 

Jean was glad for Eren's smart thinking, because it would have been hell trying to get through the crowded hallways with his semi-injured foot. With Eren insisting on carrying his backpack for him, they made their way through the school’s main entrance doors and Jean lowered himself to sit on the bench by the car pick-up line. The final bell rang behind them and students streamed out through the double doors, but Eren kept Jean company instead of getting his own books and walking home. When Jean's mom pulled up in her purple minivan, Jean was torn between limping to the car so Eren didn't question how heavily he was hanging onto him, or to walk normally because his mom would become obnoxiously concerned over a minor sprain. He opted for an awkward shamble hoping his mom interpreted it as a swagger, how all the cool kids were walking these days.

Since that day, they've interacted very little, Eren floating happily through his carefree, popular high school days and Jean grating on his classmates’ nerves with his obnoxious overconfidence. Jean likes to think he's developed a friendship with Eren, since Eren comes to his aid in a fight and convinces the person beating Jean up to not use violence to express themselves. Marco keeps telling Jean that Eren only wants to stop the violence, but Jean holds tightly to his belief that Eren cares about him.

On Saturday, Jean arrives at the library fifteen minutes past the agreed upon time. He doesn’t want to come across as eager after all. He originally planned to show up a few minutes late, just to ensure he arrived after Eren, but then couldn’t decide what to wear and the indecision tacked an additional eleven minutes of getting ready to his morning schedule.

Jean pulls on the brass handle of the heavy wooden door and crosses the threshold into the library, the cool air he had been breathing instantly replaced with the dry scent of paper. Of the city’s two libraries, this is the smaller one. Light gray walls and purplish blue carpeting make it appear larger than it is but Jean knows it won’t take him too long to find Eren. The circulation desk is centered across from the entrance and open archways to the left and right connect behind the wall backing the circulation desk to form a blocky U-shape. The archway on the left and the back section of the library contain the majority of bookshelves, so Jean opts to enter through the right archway which holds tables for studying, public access computers, and a few bookshelves. It was the right decision because Jean easily spots Eren at a table a few bookshelves down from where he stands. Books are stacked on the table and Eren is too caught up in the one in front of him to notice Jean approaching, only looking up when Jean scrapes a chair out from under the table to sit on.

“Hi, Jean."

"Hey." Jean tips his chair onto its back two legs, crossing his arms behind his head and giving Eren the smolder he practiced in his mirror all week. Unaffected, Eren returns to his book. Jean teeters in his chair and places it onto its four legs before he falls. Jean watches Eren flip through the pages of his book, his thumb pressed between his teeth and his eyebrows furrowed. When Eren's face clears and his mouth falls open, releasing his thumb, Jean shakes himself from his staring and sits up attentively.

"Hey, what if we do a report looking at the evolutionary history of a disease to see if it has some benefit that explains why it still persists?"

"Um...what?"

"You know, like why evolution hasn't gotten rid of hemophilia. People die from this blood disorder, but it still gets passed on genetically. So we can research if there are any benefits to having hemophilia that causes it to be passed on and not erased by evolution."

"Oh. Yeah, that sounds cool. Uh, where do we start?"

Eren's thumb is back between his teeth. "Hmm...maybe we should learn about hemophilia first, if that's the disease we want to research."

"Yeah, a bleeding disorder sounds cool. I mean, not for the people who have it obviously, but because of what you said earlier. That it’s still passed on even though it can be deadly.”

“Okay. Hemophilia it is. Let’s start by searching the library catalog for books." Eren pushes back from the table and Jean inconspicuously eyes Eren's outfit. Eren is wearing a grey t-shirt, light-wash jeans, and a navy cardigan with the buttons undone. It’s how Eren dresses everyday for school. Jean frowns at his blue button-down and khakis. Why did he wear khakis? Who let him out of the house wearing khakis? It’s too late to do anything about those, but he can at least excuse himself to the restroom and wash the gel out of his hair.

"Jean? Are you coming?"

"Yeah." Jean follows Eren to the public access computers lining the wall and pulls his chair close beside Eren’s. While Eren uses the library catalog to search for books on hemophilia, Jean searches for something to say to break the silence.

“Know what’s on the menu?"

“What menu? We’re at a library.”

Jean was going to follow up with “Me N U”, but Eren cut in before he could finish. Alright, no biggie, Jean is prepared this time. He memorized a few pick up lines, he will simply try another.

"Do you have a name?"

Eren turns quickly and gives him this perplexed expression. "Uh, it’s Eren. Jean, are you feeling alright?"

Jean slaps a hand to his forehead. He was going to say "Or can I call you mine?" but once again, Eren interceded.

One more time. One more. "Do you have a map..." Eren's mouth opens and before he can answer Jean screeches, “'Cause I got lost in your eyes!"

"Shhh!" The librarian and a few patrons sitting nearby turn and glare at him. Eren is avoiding eye contact and Jean sinks into his seat. Well, that is not the response he wanted. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Jean makes the conscious decision to not be the cliché lab partner who does nothing but add his name to the report. He faces his computer and double clicks on the library catalog icon to open it then types 'hemophilia' into the search bar. Thousands of listings appear, so Jean goes to the left-hand column and narrows down the search results by clicking English for the language. From his backpack he pulls out his biology notebook and a pen, and begins writing down the call numbers for books that sound promising.

He becomes absorbed in his research, not realizing that Eren is staring at him until he turns to search his bag for another pen, his previous one having run out of ink, cheap thing it is.

"Oh, sorry." Eren smiles apologetically at having been caught staring. "I don't mean to be rude, but I didn't think you were going to take this report seriously." Jean would like to be affronted but he honestly can't be. Before his failed attempts to make Eren fall in love with him, Jean wasn't taking this report seriously.

"Wow, your list looks really good. I've been trying a bunch of different searches but I haven't had any luck finding medical journals or anything else that would be helpful."

"Really? What have you been searching?” Eren slides his chair to the right, making room for Jean to scoot closer to see his screen.

"I think it's because your searches are too specific. The system won't find 'evolutionary history of hemophilia,' but if you try 'evolution hemophilia,' it will pull up books with those two keywords, and from there you can narrow down the results by using the options on the side, like topics, the year the book was published, or what language it is written in."

"Oh. Thanks, Jean." Eren's smile is soft, not the flashing grin Jean sees him give his friends when he greets them in the morning and not the polite smile he gives teachers and classmates. It's a new smile Jean hasn't seen Eren give before and it further instills in him the desire to keep Eren's attention, but rather than toss lame pick-up lines and blatantly stare at Eren, which he is forced to admit isn’t working, Jean decides to try something new, something authentic, terrifying as that is. If people don’t like his arrogant attitude, it’s fine because it’s not his true self. It’s the confident alter-ego he adopted when he switched schools and was given a fresh start to not be the bullied kid he was at his last school. But Eren never paid much attention to that version of Jean, so what does he really have to lose by dropping the act? Other than Eren realizing Jean is lamer than he originally thought.

"I'm going to look for these books on the shelves. Have you found any you want me to grab?"

"Um, only two. Do you want help?"

"Nah, it's cool. I'll be quick,” Jean says as Eren passes him the call numbers for the books he found. “I'll meet you back at the table." 

Jean reads the first call number on his list. RB155.5 G455 1996. Within fifteen minutes, Jean has nine books in his arms and has to use his chin to hold the top one steady as he struggles to carry them all back to the table where Eren is waiting for him. While Jean was gone Eren must have returned the books he had out earlier because the table is clear, a good thing since Jean has a lot of large books and medical journals. He places the stack on the table and he and Eren each grab one. Hours pass of them silently scanning the books and copying any interesting information into their notebooks. Periodically they interrupt the other's reading to ask a question on what information is relevant for their report, or if they should research other blood diseases too.

"I can't read anymore. My eyes are staring at the page and I realize a few minutes later that I haven't absorbed any of the information."

“Same,” Jean responds tiredly with a sigh for emphasis.

“When did Hange say this report is due?"

Jean flips through his class notes. “April 19th. So, in three weeks. We can split up the time to spend a week and a half doing more research and the last week and a half writing the report. If that sounds good to you?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah.” Eren’s eyes hold Jean’s as he speaks but Jean notices the focus isn’t there, Eren’s mind straying away from their conversation. Jean waves his hand in front of Eren's face which startles him free from his reverie.

"You okay?"

“Yeah. Fine."

Jean doubts Eren is as fine as he says. When they were working, Jean sometimes looked up to see how Eren was doing, only to find the other boy already staring at him. Eren’s eyes would return to his book immediately. Or, Jean would find Eren staring unseeingly at the bookshelves behind Jean’s head, eyebrows pressed close together as he struggled to comprehend something.

“Want to get pizza? I’m starving.”

Eren tilts his head to the side in contemplation, and his guarded expression convinces Jean that he’ll say no, but surprisingly he says, “Sure, I’m pretty hungry too.”

Jean leads the way to the pizzeria down the block, its red brick front-face sticking out against the pale blue wooden paneling of the pub and the too white brick of the Antique shop nearby. Antonio’s is a small establishment, made more so by the constant crowd. It sells pizza by the slice and is famous for its strange flavor combinations. As a result, it isn’t surprising to find a crowd of middle-school aged customers ordering unappealing slices because their friends dared them to.

"Whoa, look at that one," Eren says, pointing out the daily special written on the dusty chalkboard behind the counter. The Supremely Spicy Burn Off Your Taste Buds Pizza. It has habanero sauce instead of the standard red sauce and is topped with jalapeños, cayenne powder, and hot peppers. Thinking he'll impress Eren with his ability to handle spicy food, because that’s obviously a turn-on (insert eye-roll),  Jean orders a slice of the daily special while Eren chooses a pesto white pizza with cheese-filled pasta shells on top.

"Don't you want a water with your pizza?” Eren asks as Jean’s order is rung up.

"I'll be fine. I've had food spicier than this before," Jean boasts. Eren frowns but doesn't press him to reconsider. They carry their pizza slices to an available table right beside the large storefront window. Eren slides into the wooden booth seat and Jean does the same across from him, his khaki-clad long legs bumping against the underside of the table. Eren immediately begins eating his slice, but now that Jean sees his pizza up close, he hesitates. 

Jean knows Eren is watching him, so he gathers his courage and confidently lifts the pizza slice to his lips, taking a large bite that includes a whole pepper. The assault on his mouth is instantaneous. It feels like all his taste buds have been lit on fire and if this were a cartoon, steam would be pouring out of his ears. He forces himself to chew and swallow the food as tears slide from his eyes and his nose drips clear fluids. Through the blurry film covering his eyes he sees Eren shaking with laughter.

"Jean, you're ridiculous. Why would you order the spiciest pizza if you can't handle it?"

Jean's tongue is heavy in his mouth, making it hard to speak, but Eren hears him say, "To impress you."

Despite the stupidity of the gesture, Eren finds himself blushing. "I'm going to get you a water and a new slice of pizza. What do you want?"

"Literally anything but the one I just had," Jean sobs.

Eren can't help but laugh heartily, drawing some attention from the other customers, but no one is bothered by the joyous sound and the sweet looking boy it emits from. Eren gets Jean a slice of red pizza with pineapple and bacon, figuring the sweet pineapple will cut through the remaining burn. If instead the acidity of the pineapple heightens the burn, Eren can't say Jean won't deserve it for not being himself. Back at the library, Eren was pleasantly surprised by how much he enjoyed hanging out with Jean when the other boy dropped his persona for once. Maybe this pizza fiasco will teach Jean a lesson to try it more often.

Jean is panting when Eren returns, hoping the cool air will soothe his tongue. What a dork, Eren thinks, smiling to himself. Jean chugs the water he is handed and rushes for a refill. He stands next to the soda machine, continually refilling his cup with water until most of the pain is gone. At least Eren is laughing, Jean thinks. He can't be ruining things too much if Eren is enjoying his suffering. Which Jean seriously suspects he is because he got him pizza with pineapple on top. Eren watches as Jean bites into the pineapple and the juice bursts on his tongue, lighting up his previously deceased taste buds with second-hand pain. But Eren bought him this slice of pizza, so Jean will eat it, even if he has to amputate his tongue afterwards.

"Are you going to do anything fun this weekend?" Eren asks as Jean wipes pizza sauce from the corner of his lips with a napkin.

"Marco and I were going to play Super Smash Bros today but we didn't reschedule, so I think tomorrow I'll try to learn some songs instead."

Eren feels guilty that Jean cancelled his plans to spend the day at the library with him, but knows Jean didn't mention it to make him feel bad, so he doesn't apologize. "Do you play any instruments?"

Jean pauses, realizing he shared more than he intended. “I like to sing and I'm trying to learn guitar,” he says to the table.

Eren’s expression brightens with interest. ”That's cool. What type of music do you like?"

Oh, the dreaded question. “I like a lot of different stuff, depending on what mood I'm in. The only things I don't like are classical, jazz, and blues, mostly because I can’t sing to them.”

“Does that mean you like songs for the lyrics rather than the music?"

Jean's face scrunches as he considers that. "No. Actually, unless I'm trying to learn a song to sing, I don't often notice what the words are. I think what I like about songs is the singer's voice, how it’s an instrument itself." Eren is watching him intently, and though Jean feels awkward, he continues to speak under Eren's encouraging gaze. "I can imagine how it will feel to sing the song, the ups and downs of the vocal range, like a phantom feeling in my throat.” Jean rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. “Ah, sorry, this probably makes no sense."

"It doesn't," Eren bluntly states. "At least, not to me. I can't sing so I don't know the feeling you are talking about, but it sounds amazing. Do you sing in public? Like at parties or school events?"

"Ha. No."

"Stage fright?"

"Absolutely. And besides, I don't like singing for other people. I sing for myself because I enjoy it, not because I need validation from other people that I can sing. I'm not saying that's why other people sing, but that's what it feels like for me personally and I hate it."

Jean regrets sharing as seconds tick by and Eren doesn't say anything. Right as Jean prepares to deliver a knock-knock joke to break the silence, Eren says, "If you feel comfortable enough around me one day, I'd like to hear you sing. But don't sing because I asked you to, I want to hear you singing because you want to."

Jean thought the expression that something could steal his breath away was an exaggeration. Until the day he saw Eren standing before him, hand outstretched to help him up, and again today, with those words. Coughing to dislodge the blocked air in his throat, Jean runs his hand through his hair.

"Um, what about you? What music do you like?"

Eren turns his face towards the window, squinting slightly at the bright sunlight before turning his gaze to a spot over Jean’s shoulder. “Um, I uh…Okay, don’t judge me or anything, but I like… _indie music._ ” Eren whispers the last words like a nine year old repeating a swear.

"Why would I judge you for that?"

Eren turns to meet Jean's eyes, surprised with Jean's response and relaxing a bit because of it, though still wary. Eren shrugs his shoulders self-consciously. “It’s just another thing people have found to judge you for. People who don’t listen to indie music think you’re pretending to like it to set yourself apart, to be ‘hipster.’ And if you meet another person who likes indie, they test if you’re a ‘real’ indie fan and ask about your favorite bands, scoffing if it’s a group that’s well known.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’re the last person anyone would think is being fake, especially about something as simple as music preference. Who do you listen to?"

"Um..." Jean can see in Eren's eyes the moment he changes his mind from tactfully exiting the conversation to confiding in Jean and it puts a warm feeling in his chest, knowing that Eren is trusting him with something as personal as music taste. "I really like The Paper Kites. Whenever I feel stressed I listen to their twelvefour album and it calms me down. I also like The Shins and Straylight Run."

"I know a few songs by Straylight Run but I haven't heard of the other two. I'll look them up tonight."

"You don't have—”

"If it's music you like, I want to hear it."

Tentatively, Eren asks, “Why?”

"Hmm...Kinda like how Hange's love of biology makes you want to learn about biology, I want to see what you find special about these bands."

"Oh, o-okay."

"Eren, are you alright? You're spacing out again."

Eren's cheeks redden and his hands clench on the table. In a defensive tone he says, "Like you're one to talk, you space out and stare at me all class."

"I do. And?"

“And,” Eren fidgets with his napkin, struggling to hold eye contact with Jean who is not embarrassed in the slightest. “Stop it. It makes me uncomfortable."

"Okay. Sorry,  I won't stare at you anymore. I'll stare at Marco or someone from now on."

Eren frowns at Jean’s response. He opens his mouth to say something before thinking better of it, choosing instead to stand up to leave. "I've gotta go. I'll see you in class on Monday."

Eren tosses his paper plate and used napkins in the trash and the bell above the door rings as he passes through it. Jean sits in the booth a little longer, running through the last five minutes in his head. He doesn't understand what he said to make Eren rush out. Giving up on figuring out if it was anything he had done or if Eren remembered somewhere he had to be, Jean tosses his trash and leaves, walking the same path he took to reach the pizza shop but this time without a warm energy beside him.

 

***

 

Jean keeps his word and doesn't stare at Eren at all on Monday. He has no interest in staring at Marco or anyone else, but it's either space out staring at a classmate or at the teacher. He was staring at Mr. Smith at the start of class, but he knew his newfound attention freaked his teacher out, so he transferred his stare to Marco, which is semi-uncomfortable since Marco sits behind him and Jean has to turn sideways in his seat and rest his head on his knuckles.

"Why are you staring at me? You're creeping me out."

"I've never noticed how beautiful you are before. I want to memorize the map of your freckles like they are constellations in the sky."

Marco lets loose a sigh that conveys all the regret he feels for befriending Jean. “What the fuck, Jean."

Out of the corner of his eye Jean thinks he sees Eren looking at him, but when he turns, Eren is facing the front again.

Jean is glad when it is time for biology, because he'll have an excuse to stare at Eren as they work on their report in class. Jean waits at his lab table for Eren to join him, but the other boy doesn’t move from his seat so Jean goes to him, sitting in the vacated lab stool next to him.

"Hey."

Eren ignores him but Jean wants to think Eren didn't hear him over the chatter of their classmates. "Hey," he repeats, and this time Eren grunts in acknowledgement. Jean doesn't know what to make of Eren's behavior. He did as Eren asked and didn't stare at him today, but Eren doesn't seem happy about it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Eren glares at his notes like he’s trying to set them on fire, then sighs as if he’s putting the fire out with his breath, finally turning to look at Jean. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's my own issue. I'm sorry for being rude."

"No worries. If you need someone to talk to about anything that's bothering you, I'm a great listener. Oh! By the way, I listened to those artists you said you liked. The twelvefour album was great; relaxing but not sleep-inducing. And The Shins are something else. Totally different from any other music I’ve heard. I have no idea what the lyrics are about though."

Eren stares at him in wonder, head cast to the side as if the new angle helps him hear Jean better.

"What, you thought I wasn't serious about listening to those bands?"

"Well, yeah. People say stuff like that all the time. Stuff like, 'Hey, let's hang out sometime,' but they never plan to actually do it."

“Hm, true. But now you know you can trust my word. Like when I said I wouldn't stare at you in class anymore and I didn't at all today — which was really tough, by the way. I should get a trophy, or at least one of those stickers that says ‘Good Job!’ on it.”

Eren's countenance shifts quickly back and forth like a staticky television before settling into a lighter expression than the one he previously wore. The return of Eren’s good mood gives Jean the confidence he needs to ask, “Want to get lunch together on Saturday and we can work on our report after? That is, if you believe I’m serious about these plans.”

When no cringe-worthy pick-up line incorporates its way into Jean’s invitation, Eren gives Jean that new soft smile he gave him at the library. "Yeah, I'd like that."

 

***

 

Jean is still sitting at the sandwich shop thirty minutes past the time he and Eren agreed to meet. Really, he should have left fifteen minutes ago, but then he’d have to admit to himself that Eren stood him up, and Jean isn’t ready to crush his spirit yet. He decides he’ll leave once he finishes his soda. Before that happens, Eren bursts through the door, its bell ringing above him as he frantically searches the shop, only calming when he sees Jean is still here.

"I'm so sorry. My mom is sick and I was taking care of her and then when I was about to leave I realized my bike tire was flat so I had to find the bike pump and—”

"Woah, Eren, it's cool. Take a breath. I’m just really glad you came. Is your mom okay?"

Eren rests one hand on the wall and takes that breath Jean suggested. “Yeah, she's okay, just bedridden with the flu. Did you eat already?"

"No, I was waiting for you."

“Th-Thanks.” Eren’s cheeks are bright red and he ducks his head slightly as he asks, “Have you eaten here before?” Eren and Jean stand in line and read the menu on the back wall behind the register.

“A few times. My friend Marco works here, so sometimes I keep him company on slow evening shifts.”

“Friend?”

“What?” Jean looks away from the menu to give Eren his attention but Eren shakes his head, negating the importance of whatever he mumbled and Jean shrugs it off.

“Any suggestions on what to order?”

“Hmm.” Jean rubs his chin. “First choose the animal you like most.”

“Horse,” Eren responds immediately.

“Uh, I meant an animal that we commonly eat. Like pig or chicken or cow. You know: pork, chicken, beef.”

“Oh.” Eren flushes, turning his embarrassed face away from Jean and mumbling, “Beef.”

Jean thinks nothing of Eren’s strange answer, saying, “In that case, I once had this amazing roast beef sandwich. Which one was it…” Jean scans the menu, squinting to read the descriptions before his narrowed eyes open and he points to the board.

“Number 5 is really good. The lemon-basil mayonnaise is delicious.”

Eren reads the full description, nodding his head absentmindedly. “Yeah, that sounds good. Are you getting that?”

“No, I like to try something new each time. Haven’t been disappointed once. Marco was just telling me about this sandwich I should try next time I was here.” Jean rubs his chin in thought and squints at the board again. “Ah, it’s no use, I can’t remember. Choose for me.”

“What?” Jean watches Eren play absentmindedly with the zipper on his jacket. “But what if you’ve tried it before?”

“Eren, there’re like twenty plus sandwiches on that board and I’ve only eaten here a handful of times. I doubt you’ll pick something I’ve already eaten.”

Eren is still uncertain, not knowing Jean’s food preferences enough to choose a sandwich he will like. But then he remembers Jean eating a disgustingly spicy slice of pizza to impress him and figures nothing he chooses can be as bad as that.

“How does number seventeen sound?” Jean scans the board for number seventeen. Turkey breast with brie and cranberry-pear relish on a ciabatta roll. Fucking yes.

“Holy hell, how did I never see that one before.” Eren’s anxious eyes relax at Jean’s honest satisfaction with his choice. They place their order at the counter, get a ticket stub with their number, then claim a table by the window. 

“Where do you want to work on our report?”

“Is the library okay again? I have an easier time concentrating there without any distractions. Except for you, of course.”

Eren rolls his eyes, second-guessing the sincerity of Jean’s flirtations after witnessing him flirt with Marco in class on Monday. Still, Eren’s cheeks feel warm and he rises from his seat, saying he’ll wait for their food to be called. Eren glances over his shoulder to find Jean checking him out. Jean winks and Eren turns back around quickly. After their numbers are called, Eren grabs napkins on his way back to the table and sets them down between their trays.

Jean chomps into his sandwich and closes his eyes, savoring the sweet relish and creamy cheese intertwining with the dry meat.

“Good?” Eren asks, biting into his own sandwich.

“Hella.”

Eren snorts, looking at Jean with laughing, judgmental eyes. Jean returns his look with a goofy smile, utterly unashamed.

“Hey Jean?”

“Yeah?”

“If aliens invaded right now, do you think they’d come in to order a sandwich and take a selfie of themselves vacationing on another planet, or do you think they’d take us all hostage and declare ownership of Earth?”

Without missing a beat, Jean responds, “I’d hope they take the selfie. But if they act how we would if we visited another planet, then they’d definitely claim our planet as theirs.”

Eren smiles broadly, though it dims as Jean continues to say, “That is not what I thought you were going to say. Like, at all.” Jean crinkles his eyes in wonder before adding, “You’re different than I imagined.”

Eren shifts in his seat and attempts to tuck his bangs behind his ear, but the brown waves fall back over his eyes as his head falls slightly forward. He glances up at Jean from under the fringe, like a kitten peeking out from under bedcovers to see whether it’s safe to come out.

“Is that bad?”

“No!” Jean rushes to say, not wanting Eren to misunderstand him. “You’re, um…” Jean tilts his head down as well in an attempt to hide his blushing cheeks from Eren. “I think you’re really interesting. The, uh, way you think about things is…different. In a good way! I like talking to you.”

Eren raises his head and Jean mimics him, relieved to see Eren smiling despite his clumsy words. “I like talking to you too, Jean. And, uh…I’m glad I got to see this side of you outside of school. I’m having fun working on this lab report with you.”

“Yeah,” Jean rubs the back of his blush-colored neck, “me too.”

The boys finish their meals in silence, peeking up at each other then glancing back down at their food when the other catches them looking. Jean clears their trays when they finish since Eren retrieved the food, and they exit the sandwich shop, walking to the library side by side, arms occasionally brushing against each other. Jean isn’t sure if it’s accidental, but he doesn’t much care. At first. The more he thinks on it, he isn’t content with passively enjoying Eren’s presence. He wants to purposely brush his arm against Eren’s and eventually upgrade to hand-holding.

They are ascending the library steps when Jean pauses. Eren turns back when he notices his lab partner no longer at his side and stares down the concrete steps at Jean kneeling on the pavement. Jean’s face is deadly serious and Eren swallows nervously, but he’s not nearly as nervous as Jean, whose windpipe feels jammed.

It’s a struggle, but thinking of holding Eren’s hand pushes Jean to choke out, “Eren. Go on a date with me.”

Eren stumbles forward a bit in shock but catches his balance before he falls. Sure, he knows Jean likes him, the guy isn’t subtle, but after all the pick-up lines and no follow-through, Eren figured Jean wasn’t serious. However, now that he’s hung out with Jean outside of school a few times and seen how different he can be, he’s starting to think Jean never asked him sooner because he _is_ serious. It’s a nice thought, and the more time they spend together, Eren sees that Jean is a nice guy. Nice enough to take a chance on.

 “I…Okay. Yeah.”

Jean’s lips, drawn in a tight line, release their tension and lift up hopefully.

“Yeah?”

Eren smiles softly. That smile Jean has never seen him give anyone else. “Yeah.”

Jean collapses onto his back in shock, not caring that he’s taking up the entire sidewalk and people are grumpily moving around him. Like a beautiful case of déjà vu, Eren’s angelic face hovers over Jean’s as the brunet reaches out a hand to pull Jean to his feet. 

Jean grabs Eren’s soft hand in his slightly clammy one, smiling as he is pulled to his feet and conveniently forgetting to let go until they enter the library.

 

***

 

“That’s unbelievable,” Marco says, gawking at his best friend from his perch on the bed.

“I know, right? I can’t believe he said yes. If I knew it was so easy, I would have asked him out months ago.” Jean is pacing excitedly in Marco’s bedroom, recapping for his friend everything that transpired in the past twenty four hours.

“No, I mean that is truly unbelievable. Why would he say yes? What is Eren thinking?”

Jean stops his pacing and frowns at his so-called friend. “Thanks. Really.” Marco smirks and shrugs, unwilling to take back his words because he meant them.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do for your first (and possibly last) date?”

Jean’s face falls before brightening just as quickly and Marco feels so extremely sorry for Eren, because he recognizes that cocky, self-assured grin of Jean’s. Marco thinks of warning Jean against whatever his terrible date idea is, but knows his advice will go unheeded like it always does until after Jean has messed up. This is another failure Jean needs to experience to grow as a person, Marco reasons, hoping Eren will forgive him for not even trying to stop Jean. 

“I wish you luck, man.” It’s the only thing Marco can offer, but Jean smiles broadly at him so he hopes his words actually bestow his best friend with luck. Jean needs all he can get.

 

***

 

Eren’s eyes narrow by the second but Jean is unable to get off this fast-moving roller coaster of self-sabotage. It is an out-of-body experience, realizing that the date is going downhill and being unable to stop it.

“And so I lived with my uncle in his mansion in LA. The girls were constantly on me but I was too busy starting my acting career to get sidetracked by their fickle adoration.”

Why the hell couldn’t he be a normal person and answer the simple question “Where did you live before you moved here?” Jean isn’t a compulsive liar, he is capable of telling the truth. But with Eren, sometimes Jean becomes so nervous and eager to impress the perfect boy that he discards his sob-story childhood of being bullied and replaces it with a fantasy Jean, someone cooler, more confident, and definitely more interesting.

“Oh, are you going to the restroom?”

“No, Jean. I’m not. I’m leaving.” The look of disappointment in _him_ in Eren’s eyes ravages Jean, and not in the nice way. Jean feels like Eren’s eyes scraped along his entire body and found every inch of him wanting. It fucking hurts like hell, but not as much as Jean hurts seeing the sadness cloak Eren’s body as the boy slips out of the lavish restaurant, his chin tucked to his chest as he avoids eye contact with everyone and rushes outside, one arm swiping across his face as he darts to his car, probably feeling really relieved right now that they came to the restaurant separately.

Jean wants to run after Eren but he hasn’t payed yet and this is the type of restaurant that will throw his ass in jail immediately if he steps outside without paying first. The only upside to this horrendous date is that Jean fucked things up before they made it past appetizers, so the bill won’t drain his college savings.

When Jean returns home, his mother sees his face and knows better than to ask how the date went. Jean trudges upstairs and flops on his bed, staring at his cell phone and wanting to call Eren to apologize but knowing Eren won’t answer when his name flashes on the other’s screen. His next thought is to call Marco and ask for his help in fixing things but Marco will either laugh at him because he expected this or yell at him for hurting poor sweet Eren. And fuck, Jean hates himself for hurting Eren.

It would help if there was another source to place the blame on: the weather was stormy and ruined the mood, the food tasted like cardboard and the waitstaff were rude, but none of that is true. The only reason the date was terrible was because Jean lied about his life in a masterfully failed attempt to make Eren interested in him. And there’s the problem. Eren started paying attention to Jean when he was being genuine. Just like Marco, Eren liked him best when he acted like himself. He only realized this too late.

Jean’s phone rings and he lifts his neck from his pillow too quickly, pulling a muscle and grimacing in pain, only to be disappointed when it’s Marco’s name and not Eren’s that lights up his screen. His last conversation with Marco flashes across his memory and he grimaces. Marco's "luck" is as fake as the so-called freckle on his left cheek that Jean knows for a fact is a mole.

Jean answers the call anyway and before he says anything Marco asks, “What are you going to do to fix things?”

Jean splutters. “H-How did you know I messed things up?!” He sits up in bed and tucks his legs into his chest, turning his head to rest atop his knees and holding the phone against his other ear.

Marco laughs lightly. “Jean, you’ve been trying to get Eren to notice you for the past two years and kept failing because you acted like a giant tool. I logically concluded that you’d pull the same shit on your first date because you’d be nervous, and Eren would get fed up. So, what’s my percent of accuracy?”

“100,” Jean mumbles.

“Knew it.” Jean can hear Marco’s smirk through the phone. “When it comes to you, I’m practically psychic. Okay, sorry for being an ass. If you want, I’ll help you. I figure you’ve learned your lesson…?”

“Yes! Oh gods yes. I’ll be 250% lame Jean Kirschtein from now on. Does that level of realness apply to appearances? Like, do I have to stop using pimple creme?”

Jean hears Marco’s resigned sigh, but can tell his friend is smiling on the other end of the line, audible in his tone when he repeats, “What are you going to do to get your Prince back?”

Jean has an inkling of an idea, but unlike the date he planned, he gives this more consideration. Nothing short of baring his soul to Eren will get the boy to give him a second chance, and even then Eren may still shut him out of his life. Jean can’t afford to mess this up.

 

***

 

Eren’s headphones must be broken because he is hearing two songs. He gently tugs the buds from his ears and examines them for a rip in the cord, but once his ears are free, he imagines he can still hear a guitar.

“Eren?”

Eren pokes his head out his bedroom door and looks down the stairs at his mom. “Yeah?”

“Honey, do you know that boy playing guitar in our front yard?”

Her son’s shocked expression gives Mrs. Jaeger her answer, and then Eren is racing back inside his room to his window and opening the navy blue curtains to peek outside. On the grass a few feet away from his window stands a boy wearing an open flannel over a Doctor Who t-shirt, dirty blonde hair sticking up in all directions without a snapback to crush the strands under. A guitar hangs across Jean’s chest by a strap covered in My Little Pony stickers and the boy’s cheeks are bright crimson but he continues to play despite his obvious embarrassment. Eren slides his window open, and the noise of the glass moving against the wood groove draws Jean’s attention away from his fingers on his guitar strings and up to Eren’s window.

Eren leans on the windowsill and Jean keeps his open gaze locked on Eren’s closed one. Behind him Jean hears neighborhood kids on bikes screeching to a halt to point and laugh at him but Jean ignores them, eyes focused solely on Eren. Under Eren’s watchful eyes, his voice wavers a bit, but he puts his skill at faking confidence to good use to get the rest of the words out without his voice shaking any further.

 

_(Put You In A Song - Keith Urban)_

_Well here you come again and you’re lookin’ so fine_

_You don’t notice me but it’s alright_

_I’m just a guy who wishes that I could be your man someday_

_Yeah a picture paints a thousand words it’s true_

_But it’s still not enough for how I feel about you_

_I wanna put you in a melody, I gotta set you to a groove_

 

By the end of the song, Eren’s eyes are a gentler green. He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again as Jean strikes the chords of another song, this time a song Eren knows well, has listened to often enough as he replays the album whenever he wants something soft to study to, or calm to drive to, or comforting to simply listen to.

 

_(I’m Lying to You Cause I’m Lost - The Paper Kites)_

_Shaking in the evening sun_

_Counting all the times I run_

_Trying to be honest_

_Selfish from a point of view_

_So tell me darling what’s it cost_

_When I’m lying to you cause I’m lost?_

_Lying to you cause I’m lost_

_I’m lost, I’m lost_

 

Jean’s voice is becoming hoarse from singing in the dry heat. Still, Jean sucks in a breath to start another song from his repertoire before Eren calls out to him, telling him to wait as he runs down the stairs and onto the lawn.

Eren doesn’t know what to say once he’s standing a few feet away from Jean so he remains silent, waiting for Jean to speak first. Jean takes it as a good sign that Eren is standing in front of him, even if he’s not saying anything. Jean nervously plays with his guitar strap, finally deciding to shift it to rest at his side.

“I’m sorry.”

Eren is measuring him with his eyes, and Jean stands up straighter. “I didn’t mean to lie and hurt you, it’s just…Eren, you…I really like you. And I have for a while. Like, an embarrassingly long while. And I don’t understand why you agreed to go on a date with me in the first place, so—”

“I agreed because I thought I was going on a date with you.”

“Huh?” Jean’s eyes are focused on Eren already, because even he knows that to properly give an apology you have to hold eye contact, but his focus increases with his confusion. “You did go on a date with me.”

“No. I didn’t.” Eren crosses his arms over his chest. “The person at the restaurant wasn’t the same guy who asked me on a date.”

Jean knew his lips shouldn’t be tipping up in a smile, but it was hard to hold back because Eren confirmed that he wanted to go on a date with _him_ , the real him - no bravado or wannabe appearance. The real him that he always believed was never good enough to draw anyone’s attention but somehow apparently captured Eren’s.

“I know, and I’m really sorry. I was super nervous and still in shock that you said yes, and when I think I’m not fine as I am, I hide behind an appearance so I don’t get rejected for being myself. I know that’s not reason enough for you to give me another chance, but I’d really like one. I’d really like to take you on a real date.”

A breeze sweeps across the yard, cooling the hot fear of rejection ever-present in Jean, but Eren wraps his arms around himself, having stepped outside barefoot in a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“How can I trust you? How do I know which one is the real you?” Eren’s arms wrap tighter around himself, wanting to believe he glimpsed the real Jean and knew who he was, but he couldn’t be sure. After all, Jean maintained his other self for hours on end in school.

Jean removes his guitar and gently sets it on the ground. Hesitantly, he steps closer to Eren and when the other boy doesn’t step back, Jean moves forward again, shrugging off his flannel.

“You can’t trust me yet, I ruined that. But the one thing that’s always been 100% real from the start are my feelings for you. Even though I went about getting your attention the wrong way, my feelings have remained the same for you no matter how I was acting.”

Jean takes the final step forward to reach Eren and places his flannel around Eren’s shoulders before retreating. He has said everything he came to say and the last thing he wants to do is pressure Eren into forgiving him, so he swings his guitar onto his back and settles on his bike that he discarded at the edge of Eren’s yard when he arrived. Eren is confused, wondering why Jean is leaving before he’s said anything, but Jean answers his silent question.

“This was my apology for hurting your feelings. Going forward, I’m going to woo you in true Jean Kirschtein style. And you better be prepared for dorky ridiculousness, because you asked for the real Jean and that’s what you’re going to get. So don’t cry later when you miss smooth Jean with the great pick-up lines. I’ll see you on Monday, Eren.”

Eren watches Jean pedal away, too shocked to do anything more than slip his arms into the sleeves of Jean’s flannel, immediately feeling the warmth of the other’s body heat and inhaling the foreign scent of Jean. Rather than the musky Axe deodorant he’s gotten used to, Jean’s flannel smells fresh like the air in a forest after the rain, with a slight scent of lemon mixed in. If Eren lifts the fabric closer to his face, it’s only to test the softness of the fabric against his cheek.

 

***

 

Monday morning comes and Eren is on his toes, excited for and fearful of what Jean might do. He doesn’t see Jean before the first bell rings but he does find a letter in his locker. Eren recognizes the delicate scribble from looking at Jean’s notes at the library. The front of the card is a hand-drawn image of two stick figures sitting on the beach staring up at the stars. The stick figure on the left has a speech bubble above its head that says, _First fact about me: I can’t draw._

“What is that?”

Eren quickly stuffs the drawing in his back pocket, hiding it from Armin’s curious eyes. Armin frowns but doesn’t comment on his friend’s newfound secretive behavior, instead intertwining his arm with Eren’s and walking to their first class.

Math and English keep his attention, but when Eren remembers what class he has next, he nervously fidgets in his seat. He tries to keep his emotions in check, reminding himself of that awful date which was only a few days ago, but his brain helpfully reminds him of how sincere and sweet Jean looked singing outside his window. Curse his forgiving heart.

Eren doesn’t even need to catch Jean’s amber-eyes, because they are trained on him the instant he walks through Hange’s classroom door. Evidently Jean has decided that the no-staring rule has expired.

Eren smiles bashfully at Jean as he passes him to sit at his lab table. He reaches into his backpack to pull out his notebook and when he turns back to his lab table, it is in time to see a paper airplane arc through the air and land in front of Armin. The blonde boy frowns and moves to crush the fragile plane in his fist, but Eren swipes it first, apologizing to his friend who rolls their eyes and returns their attention to Hange who has begun the lesson.

Eren glances surreptitiously at the plane, not wanting to get in trouble with Hange for passing notes in class. He’s in luck though, because just when he thinks Hange has caught him, one of their eyes start twitching. There is probably something in their eye so Eren shouldn’t find the face Hange is making funny, but they sorta look like they’re making an exaggerated wink. Being in the clear, Eren unfolds the paper plane to read the note.

_Second fact about me: My grade in history is abysmal because I’m too caught up staring at you to pay attention to the lesson. But my English grade has improved from my efforts in writing poetry about your eyes._

Eren lifts up his textbook, forming a shield to hide his red cheeks. He peeks over the top and sure enough Jean is smiling goofily at him, pulling a goofy grin from him too.

“Shoot me now. This goddamned puppy-love is sickening,” Armin mutters, his words falling upon deaf, beginnings-of-love-struck ears.

At lunch, a freshman runs up to Eren’s table and hands him a paper bag before scampering off. Eren reaches inside the bag and withdraws a peanut butter and fluff sandwich cut into a heart, homemade chocolate chip cookies, a juice box, and an apple. There is also a napkin with writing on it. _The cookies aren’t nearly as sweet as you. Third fact about me: I can bake_ _and_ _cook, if that’s a selling point for you._

After biting into the cookie, Eren is sold.

Last period rolls around and Eren giddily anticipates what Jean’s note will say this time. Except history class starts and Jean isn’t sitting in his seat in front of Marco. Marco doesn’t look concerned that his best friend is already ten minutes late for class so Eren figures he shouldn’t worry, but he still does. Mr. Smith is covering new material on the Vietnam War which is definitely going to be on an upcoming test but Eren can’t focus. He keeps glancing at the door. After the first thirty minutes of class and no sign of Jean, he gives up hope that the other teen will make an appearance. Why isn’t Jean in class? Did he get sick? Injured? Oh no, what if Armin is beating Jean up behind the school dumpster at this very moment?

By the time there are only ten minutes of class remaining, Eren has managed to focus on Mr. Smith’s lesson. However, as if to thwart his efforts to learn, the classroom door opens and in strolls Jean, guitar slung across his chest. Amber eyes widen as the classroom becomes absolutely silent, completely focused on him. To everyone’s surprise, Mr. Smith allows Jean to take center stage at the front of the class as he moves to sit in Jean’s unoccupied seat, pulling his cell phone from his pocket and typing, acting oblivious to the bewildered stares of his students.

Jean clears his throat, grimacing when the noise redirects his classmates’ attention from their teacher and back to himself. He caves inward under the attention, feeling naked without his cloak of bravado. Clearing his throat once more, he glances at Marco who gives a firm nod of his head in support before his eyes find Eren’s. Then he takes in a breath and,

_“Well this is just a simple song, to say what you’ve done.”_

Eren’s eyes tear up instantly. This song has that effect on him, don’t judge. Jean’s not too composed either - Eren sees the shakiness of his hands - but it gradually abates as he focuses on Eren alone, blocking out the rest of his audience. 

_“I told you about all those fears, and away they did run. You sure must be strong, and you feel like an ocean being warmed by the sun.”_

Jean slowly relaxes, the tension dissipating from his shoulders and he moves around a bit as he sings. His voice is warm and his eyes are warm and his smile is warm and Eren’s cheeks are burning. His classmates are no longer watching Jean but him, knowing who Jean is singing for and wondering how Jean’s new tactic of flirting will work. Eren notices Hange slip in through the back door of the classroom and sit cross-legged on the floor next to Mr. Smith.

The final chords fall and the class sits in stunned silence, not wanting to pop the fragile moment they are witness to. Jean waves to someone standing in the classroom doorway and the same freshman who ran up to Eren’s table at lunch enters. Jean trades his guitar for a bouquet of pink roses interspersed with white alstroemeria. He holds it to his chest and takes a shaky breath in, but having come this far, he knows he can’t turn back now. Jean slowly approaches Eren’s desk with a smile that is being pressed down from his usual cocky grin by the fear of rejection.

He thrusts the flowers at Eren, who reaches to accept them from reflex. Not that he wouldn’t have accepted them anyway; they’re beautiful, and Eren breathes in the fresh floral scent. It’s with his nose pressed against soft petals that he spots the note tucked amidst them. Plucking it between his thumb and forefinger, Eren pulls it out and unfolds the note.

_Fourth fact about me: I’ve been crushing on you for almost two years but it wasn’t until we started working on our lab report and I got to really know you that I fell head over Converse for you. You’re kind to everyone, even a dork like me. I love talking with you, whether it’s about something you’re passionate about or hearing your random thoughts on alien invasions. My cheeks hurt so bad from smiling constantly when I’m with you but I don’t ever want that pain to stop. I’m so unbelievably sorry I hurt you and I hope you’ll let me make up for it. Will you go on a date with me?_

For some reason, maybe it’s the warning glare Hange is shooting the students, but everyone remains quiet, waiting for Eren to say something. He doesn’t like the attention. His classmates are nice to him, he’s good friends with most of them, but being watched intently like a cell under a microscope is unnerving. 

But Jean endured it. Even though he has stage fright, he sang in public for Eren not once but twice. Now Eren sees it, who Jean really is. He’s the kind of faithful guy that harbors the same crush for years. Someone who isn’t too proud to apologize when they’ve made a mistake. Willing to embarrass themselves and go far outside their comfort zone for the person they care about. Jean is a good partner, doing his fair share of the work and helping Eren use the library catalog without making him feel dumb. He follows along with Eren’s weird thoughts. He takes an interest in Eren’s interests. And the one thing that has been real from the start is Jean’s interest in Eren. Jean has never hid that.

Jean is standing stock-still and Eren realizes he needs to answer soon because he has the distinct impression that Jean is holding his breath as he waits.

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” Eren figures he’ll shake things up a bit, since everyone except Jean can guess what his answer will be after that display, but either his response is too much for Jean or he really had been holding his breath because he promptly faints.

 

***

 

Jean’s eyes blink open slowly to see the off-white classroom ceiling tiles above him. The second of his five senses to reach his brain is touch. The tiled floor is really hard on his bony butt. He raises up, resting back on his elbows. Eren is sitting cross-legged beside him typing on his phone, but his head shoots up when Jean shifts. They are alone in their history classroom.

Jean can’t decide between asking “Where is everyone?” and “What happened?” so instead he grumbles, “Whahun?” It makes no sense, but Eren somehow understands and answers. Jean learns that the bell rang shortly after he fainted and the class left to go home. Hange looked him over, ensuring that he had only passed out from shock and the extended stress of performing in public. Marco called his mom to say he was staying late and would call for a ride later. Eren, clearly, stayed with him.

Because Eren said yes.

Eren would go on a date with him.

Jean’s smile is stretched so wide it is starting to hurt, but he can’t contain it, especially when Eren mirrors the expression back.

“This isn’t a dream? You’ll go on a date with me?”

“Yeah, Jean. I’ll go on a date with you.” Eren laughs lightly, a sound like wind chimes. “Any ideas for our first date?”

 

***

 

“I’ve never written a lab report while on a date before.”

Jean swivels in his desk chair so he can see Eren, who is sitting on his Toy Story bed comforter smirking good-naturedly.

“I’m sorry Eren, but it’s due tomorrow and we haven’t written our conclusion yet. I don’t want us to get a bad grade because I made you hate me and we lost precious days of work time. I’ll write something, so you go back to watching the movie.” Jean returns to his laptop and taps his fingers lightly on the keys as he ponders what to type.

Eren sets aside the bowl of popcorn and slides off the bed to stand behind Jean, placing his crossed arms on Jean’s head and resting his chin on top. “No can do. We’re partners. We’re in this together till the end.”

“Till death do us part?” Jean teases. Eren groans, and the exhale ruffles Jean’s hair.

“Are you ever going to let that go? I wanted to throw a curveball since you _did_ put me on the spot in front of our entire class. You don’t hear me constantly teasing you for _fainting_.” Jean swivels the chair back around so he can face Eren, knocking Eren’s arms off his head in the process. 

“It’s not my fault you’re so easy to fall for.” Jean accepts the light smack to his arm in exchange for the gentle, blushing smile of his boyfriend. He’d do anything to see Eren smile at him like that, embarrass himself as many times as necessary. 

“Stop staring at me and write the conclusion so we can finish the movie. If you want, take a picture. It’ll last longer.”

“No.”

Eren’s easy smile drops, shocked by the seriousness of Jean’s tone.

“I don’t want a picture. I want to always have the privilege of staring at your face and all the expressions that cross it. I want—” Jean reaches for Eren’s hands, clasping them softly but securely in his own and using them to tug Eren closer. “I want to always be by your side and keep you smiling.”

Eren can’t understand how Jean can say things like that with ease. He tries to bring his hands up to cover his red face but Jean doesn’t release them, instead intertwining their fingers so he can watch the embarrassment and happiness cross Eren’s countenance.

Eren isn’t as comfortable as Jean is with expressing his feelings in words but wants Jean to know the feeling is mutual. He mumbles “I want that too” before pressing his lips to Jean’s cheek, enjoying that now he isn’t the only one with a red face.

“Y-yeah, um…h-how ‘bout that conclusion?” Jean unlocks their fingers so he can pull away and Eren smirks at Jean’s stuttering state but releases his hands, letting Jean turn to the laptop. Eren hangs his arms over Jean’s shoulders in a loose hug and rests his chin on Jean’s fluffy blonde hair so he can read what Jean types.

The keyboard keys clack as Jean types a fitting conclusion. “How’s this?” 

_And they lived happily ever after._

Eren is torn between rolling his eyes and laughing. He decides the proper response is to lean down and press a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips to show his approval. Jean squeaks in surprise but quickly adjusts to the situation, enthusiastically returning the kiss. 

Later, they’ll have to write a proper conclusion to their lab report. But right now, they kiss their way to the bed to resume their movie date, Jean sitting against the headboard with Eren wrapped in his arms where he hopes to keep the brunet always. Their relationship may not be one of love at first sight (that’s Eren’s fault) or easy beginnings (that’s Jean’s fault), but it is honest and fun and ridiculously mushy (again, Jean’s fault). But above all, and what Jean has recently discovered is most important, is that their relationship is accepting. He wasted so much time being someone he isn’t, but why? If that was who Eren fell for, they wouldn’t last. He would eventually crumble under the pressure to maintain the facade.

Eren laughs unabashedly at a scene in the movie, snorting a little and not bothering to apologize or blush in embarrassment, instead tucking his face in the groove of Jean’s neck and shoulder when the laughter subsides. Jean wraps his arms tighter across Eren’s chest, because now that he has this, he’s never letting it go.

**Author's Note:**

> Please kudos or comment if you enjoyed this story! It would mean a lot.
> 
> I made a [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGbBBlu_iMGhPCMPuGeR1PHt07eS-v3G0) to inspire me as I wrote this story and it really embodies Jean’s feelings for Eren. There are a lot of country songs on the list which aren’t for everyone, but if you’re willing to give them a shot, maybe you’ll feel as happy and lovesick as I do when I listen to the playlist and think of these dorks.


End file.
